Living With Anxiety

I will start this blog post with a sentence that perfectly sums me up. I am anxious to post this post. I started this blog with the idea that it would be a diary for me to use to journal my thoughts. I don’t know why I didn’t just buy a notebook and write everything in there. Why would anyone write their feelings down and then post them on the internet? I still don’t even have the answer to that question, I can only say it just feels like something I want to do. I feel compelled to put my thoughts and feelings down here and use this blog like therapy. Writing it down for someone else to read means that I have to put a positive spin on things I am not always able to and therefore forcing myself to think more positively. So thank you for being my therapist 🙂

I have always been an anxious person, I think when I was growing up the anxiety was quite normal. I didn’t like speaking up in the classroom and I was never going to audition for the main part in school plays but as I got older it got worse. When I started modelling I had to go away on trips with photographers and on one occasion I begged to come home early, I was sick and couldn’t eat anything whatsoever. But it’s only recently I realised that it was anxiety I was suffering from, the doctor thought I had an eating disorder and I did even go to see a therapist for a while but it was all focused on my issue being with food. Anxiety was never spoken about as a mental health disorder back then, that makes me feel old!

I have to deal with some feelings of anxiety everyday, most days it is over small things like have the boys done their homework? Has Miller had enough milk and will he sleep well tonight? Did I drink enough water? But every now and again I have a big blow up over something which feels big to me at the time but realistically is not the end of the world!

I have some things I know that work for me and keep me calm which are listening to podcasts, self help books and novels. Not all at once obviously! Getting as much sleep as I can and getting out of the house for a walk or now that I have Miller getting in the car and driving to a Starbucks drive thru while he naps is something I enjoy. I love doing Pilates and Yoga, I would recommend it to anyone. I don’t get to do it as much as I would like but when I do it helps give me a boost of energy and I feel good in myself.

Thank you for reading this post, it means alot. How do you look after your mental health?

NJ x

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